Why do I keep doubting?

Well, this week has been full of the usual activity with two additions. One being doing some major cleaning for a group of pastors that's coming on Sunday and staying for two weeks. There's going to be about 25 to 30 pastors from the area having a retreat here at the house. It seems that with the lack of use the extra bedrooms and washrooms have had over the past while, they have fallen into a state of uncleanliness.

The other addition is major preparation for my message this coming Sunday. This being the second time around you would think that it would come together a fair bit easier and with less anxiety than the first time but it seems that that has not been the case. The process of preparation for the first sermon was a very encouraging process though it had its moments of anxiety and at times burden, just not being sure what I should do or where I should go with the sermon. Finally getting to the point of having it prepared (after a rollercoaster of doubt and encouragement) I remember sitting at my desk Sunday morning, before I was to deliver it, just feeling like it was weak and thin; I wasn't at all feeling ready and was doubting the work I had put into it. As I got up to deliver it though, the sense of peace that I had and the enjoyment that I had in delivering it was awesome! Though I had spent a lot of time doubting that God would lead me God was faithful and had heard me in those anxious moments in prayer throughout the week. The whole experience, as hard as it was at times was very rewarding and encouraging.

Well, sure enough approaching this second message a lot of those same feelings of inadequacy and doubt began to cloud my mind. One would thank that having walked this path already, I should be able to rely and rest on God's faithfulness as He has shown in the past. I suppose the one blessing about these feelings of inadequacy are that they send us to our knees in crys of help to God and those are the prayers that God seems to love to answer. Sure enough, this process has been plagued by doubts and discouragement at times but just as sure is the fact that God has seen me through as I managed to finish writing it out yesterday morning. Why is it that we seem to be such slow learners? Well, I should speak for myself at least but I'm thankful for God's incredible grace as He extends it to us even when we doubt Him.